I'm only Human

 I think everyone has those moments of sadness and depression over there bodies especially as a plus size women in a world where plus size isn't truly accepted yet. I remember when I had my sister take these in my bedroom so many months ago and I remember being so happy and giddy that I was showing off my body in such a way.I couldn't wait to post them and make some status about how plus size bodies were hot and rocking and all those other empowering terms we as plus size women use. But I never posted it,I honestly couldn't It was like afterwards, I just lost my way,I started fat shaming myself and was truly feeling so unhappy about my body and my health. I slowly stopped blogging and posting photos of myself in ways that screamed I'M PLUS SIZE. I'm ashamed that I feel ashamed about my body. Here I was empowering women to love themselves when all the sudden I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore.

 

I stumbled across these photos today and felt like I should explain myself. I for some reason just can't bring myself to love my body anymore. I'm overweight by at least 100 pounds I'm unhappy,I'm hot,and I have health issues,my feet are so swollen ninety percent of the time the only shoes that will fit me are toms and they are a size to big but there the only thing that fits. My addiction to food is just ridiculous and sad I shouldn't need it when I'm sad or happy or for anything other than giving me nourishment. Head hunger IS REAL GALS and It's a bitch,I feel like a bottomless pit just eating and eating and eating with no end in sight! There's day's where my body never gets that full feeling I literally have day's where eating never gets me to that full place that it needs to be. Then I have day's where I'm full and still stuffing it in. It's a battle people don't ever think it's not, physically I can be saying I will not eat this but mentally my mind is screaming at me to eat it and sometimes no matter how hard you try it just won't go away in till you eat whatever it i.

I understand that eating clean, healthy whole foods will eventually help me to get rid of the sugar cravings and I do try and I am trying to eat clean. It's a process though and I will fail a million times before I stand up,but when I do I know that I'm going to succeed and be happy with myself.

 

So while I started this blog to empower plus size women and to love my body I'm sorry to say it won't be continuing to be like that. I don't love my body I just don't I'm sure every plus size girl out there is cursing me and that's cool. I'm not saying It's not ok to be plus size,but I'm NOT OK being unhealthy and plus size. Let's face it I want to be HOT,I'm 21 years old I don't want to be tired and emotionally unraveled because food controls me. I want that healthy lifestyle,I want to be that girl in the gym and on the street running,I want to wear bikinis that are itty bitty and I want to wear short shorts and parade my body around the house KNOWING and FEELING good about myself. That's all I want I want to feel good about myself.

So with that being said I'm starting over,I'm going to eat clean and I'm going to learn how to make it into a lifestyle,so that I CAN be who I want to be and not be controlled by food and by my self image. I no longer want to be held back by my weight and by my mind. I will fail I can tell you that much I know I'm going to,I hope that with support and help and this blog and followers that I will be able to succeed and find a happier healthier me!

Every Plus size women's worst nightmare...BIKINIS

 I'm going to speak about the unspeakable...BIKINIS. Not just any bikinis,but bikini's on plus size women. Summer is always dreaded for me,it's hot I don't want to wear shorts,tanks or any other form fitting short or sleeveless thing that you must wear in Texas heat in order to venture out.I most certainly do not want to be out in the heat with tanks,shorts or other dreadful things on while also attempting to find some form of swim wear appropriator for a twenty one year old women at places that sell more to the skinny college gal which is not myself. So instead every summer I usually just pass on the festivities. I say no to the trips to the beach or floating the river or even getting in the pool in the backyard,because I never wanted to be seen In swim wear,and most certainly not the bathing suits that plus size girls had to wear because let's face it they just don't make them cute...so I thought.

 

This year I decided what tha hay let's do some searching and find a bathing suit and actually wear it this year. So off I went searching and I come across this hashtag on Instagram FATKINIS. I was ecstatic SO many plus size women rocking the crap out of these "fatkini's" which is really just a two piece bikini with high waisted bottoms,I kept scrolling and there were so many beautiful bodies embracing themselves and rocking these cute bathing suits made for us thick girls that I thought I MUST HAVE ONE OF THESE. I went scrolling through the internet and I kept finding cute one's for over one hundred dollars which was not in this plus size gal's budget.

 

I finally found a couple of Instagram girls who had these cute black fringe bikini's on and they let me in on the secret of where to find them...EBAY!! I couldn't believe it I've never been an eBay shopper why I have no clue I guess I'm a little cray cray who knows. I bough this cute little number for fifteen bucks YES!!! Fifteen dollars with shipping compared to the one hundred dollar plus ones I kept coming up with. I was skeptical at first I was like no way is this going to fit or It's never going to show up or It's going to forever,but It literally came In like a week from Hong Kong I was impressed!!

 

Ever since finding that hash tag my life has been forever changed, I never loved my body and I certainly didn't love it in a bikini,but after seeing all these beautiful plus size women wearing them I realized that my body Is just as hot as the girl next door's body! It's Just as hot as barbie just a plus size barbie and there is nothing wrong with that! It just requires more care when shopping for thing's,but what girl doesn't love to shop;) I'm going to post the link to the shop I got this bathing suit at they have them in pink and teal as well plus a million of designs!! I'm proud to say I will be sporting mine at Hurricane Harbor In a few weeks with Jon.:)http://www.ebay.com/itm/321408275366?_trksid=p2050601.m570.l4467&_trkparms=gh1g%3DI321408275366.N19.S2.M-24781.R3.TR4

Diy Natural Dog Shampoo

 One thing you will learn about me through this blog Is that my dog is my everything. I've had him for 6 years now and I've never been attached to an animal like I am to my bubby. He is a little black and tan chihuahua and he is my world. He and I have been through some trials and even though in most people's eye's he is just a spoiled rat he is my baby and my best friend.

One problem with my little dog is that he has very sensitive skin (he gets that from me) ;). He get's dandruff and he itches a lot. I had been using some flea shampoo on him and also Dawn,but both seemed to make him itch and he always hated when you put the shampoo on him,he would always cringe and you could tell he really disliked it,he doesn't like bath's anyways, but those two products seemed to make it so much worse. So I thought maybe I could find something all natural that would be better for his sensitive skin!! I found this recipe on here https://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/surprisingly-simple-diy-natural-pet-shampoo-2520493.html

 I wanted to give everyone a chance to see the recipe and to give my review of it!I got all of the products at the natural grocer's in my town,and the mason jar at our local target. I poured in the dish soap first. I got a scented one it smells like pears mmm,then you can add your other ingredients however which way you'd like I did the dish soap,the warm water,the apple cider vinegar,and then the glycerin then shake it up a little bit and coax your fur babies into the tub!! ALWAYS the tough part for me I swear Harley aka Bubby can sense when I'm going to bathe him because I go to look for him and he is cowering behind the couch

He is very sensitive another trait from yours truly;)  and he will absolutely REFUSE to look at me the whole time in the bathtub then when i let him out we are best friends again:). So I made sure he was thoroughly wet before putting the shampoo on him and then i just opened up the jar and poured some on him and off we went! It foamed up really well and felt very silky on his skin and he DID NOT cringe in fact he kinda was like "hmm this is nice" I thoroughly rinsed him then i cuddled him up in a towel and dried him off. By this point he's like let me down women I'm DONE,so i let him down and he runs all over the house I honestly don't know why dog's do this he runs and runs and rubs on everything. Then if he's mad at you he will go and sulk behind the couch and not come out for anything in the world not even SNACKS.

  

This time though was a good time and he knows after every bath he get's a snack or two if I'm spoiling him extra that day;) and let me tell you my little bubba LOVES snacks and he Love's to dance for em  then when you give him one he snatches it quickly and runs off like YES.

Loved this diy natural dog shampoo at first he kind of had that wet dog smell which did not smell good,but once he fully dried he now smells like pears and is soo soft,he is usually soft after regular bath's,but man after this one he is like baby's butt smooth! A def keeper! If you have any questions please feel free to ask me! You don't have to use natural products for this recipe I'm just a big believer in natural products and knowing what's in your item's and I def wanted to know what I would be putting on bubba.

Mom's chocolate chip cake cookies

My mom has been in the hospital the past few day's so I thought I'd start my blog with a great recipe that she has shared with my sister and I!! Everyone LOVES these cookies,but she only makes them during Christmas. I've begun making them throughout the year for her and for family and pretty much anyone who will eat them they are THAT good. Who doesn't love a good chocolate chip cookie recipe!

 

1. Preheat oven 375 degrees
2. Combine flour,baking soda,and salt in a small bowl.
3. Beat butter,granulated sugar,brown sugar and vanilla extract in a large mixing bowl until creamy.
4. Add eggs, one at a time,beating them well after each addition.
5. Gradually beat in flour mixture.
6. Stir in chocolate chips and nuts (if you want nuts in yours add them I did not add any)   

 The key to making them cake like is to spread them out evenly all over your pan till its covered and to where its touching the edges all the way around.

 

If you want them to be thicker just don't spread them as thin there pretty thick the way that we do them though.

Then set your timer for 10 minutes

I always set it for 10 minutes then watch it for the next five checking on them occasionally. You want them to be golden brown on the top all over,this part I usually have to call my mom and ask what color golden brown because I always forget haha.

 Since you can't just pick up the phone and call me, although you could I would so answer and chat with you I'm sorda a chatty Cathy haha. Anyways this is the golden brown color you don't want them much darker because they will continue cooking once you take them out. Let them cool for however long you can stand with me its usually five or 6 minutes then take a big pizza cutter and cut them in squares you can make the squares as big or as small as you want. Then take a spatula and scoop em off!

There so thick and gooey and amazingly yummy warm with a cold glass of milk during the winter and holidays I feel like I'm making them everyday twice a day because they get eaten so fast. I love love to bake and this is a great recipe. If you get them wrong on the first try don't worry! My first try I did not add the baking soda WORST COOKIES EVER. My boyfriend being the sweet guy that he is still wanted to eat them,but i was like NO I will make more haha.